Main Chick, Side Chick, or Groupie!
Which one are you in your own life?

There are three roles you can play in your professional and personal life.  You can either be the Main Chick, Side Chick, or the Groupie.  So my question to you is, what role are you playing?  Okay, here's a better question, do you know what role you are playing?  How happy are you with your role?

When it comes to being the star of your life you have to make sure you only booking roles that you want.  If you want to be a fifty million dollar per role actor or actress, why are you accepting the fifty dollar jobs?  Never!  You will never get the Will Smith, Nicholas Cage, Meryl Streep, Haley Berry roles that way.  And please don't misunderstand because I am not telling you not to pay your dues.  Everyone has their dues to pay, but I am telling you to know your worth.

Do you think Bill Gates became who he is without having the end in mind?  Not possible.  I am sure Oprah had the vision of Harpo long before her show was syndicated.  You have to think about the bigger picture.  In education we call it the backwards design, "Working with the end in mind."  Are you working towards your goals with the end in mind?  Honestly.

What's the difference between the three roles? Great question!

A groupie is someone who simply around for a season.  The groupie has no major role in the star's life.  The star brings the groupie out only for the purpose of short term pleasure.  Groupies are only around for one night stands.  The groupie has no real rights in the relationships nor the benefits.  She or he can't vote and never gets invited to the important events. Are you a groupie?  Are you engaged in professional or personal relationships that is only about pleasing someone else?  Do you have voting privileges?

Side Chick
If you aren't paying attention you could easily mistake a side chick for the main chick.  The side chick has voting privileges, the side chick receives gifts, and gets invited to events. However, her or his name is not on the star.  She is putting in all the work without the 401K.  Sure it seems like the side chick has a good life because she has just as many material things as the main chick.  Unfortunately for the side chick, she has no equity in the relationship.  The side chick will forever be a renter in a buyer's market.  How much equity do you own?  Its okay to help others accomplish and fulfill his or her dreams, but do not forget about your own.  Like Beyonce says, "If you like it then put a ring on it."  Work on your dreams.  Put your name on the building.  Its okay to start out renting, but at some point you need to sign on the dotted line to buy your dream.  If you're a side chick in your own life it's time for an upgrade.

Main Chick
The main chick is simply fabulous!  The main chick knows his or her true value and will not settle.  He or she understands that of course he/she will not get the leading role without playing a few stand-ins.  But that's just it those other roles are stand-ins!  He or she knows that too.  He or she will not be in the industry for twenty years still playing the role of Pookie's crackhead girl friend.  No, no!  The main chick only plays those roles long enough to pay the bills.  But while she is playing the role, he/she is planning how to become the leading character in the movie.  Just like Calvin at McDonalds.  Yeah the main chick starts mopping the floor but after a while he/she will be working the register.  Put a ring on your dream.  If you want it then put a ring on it!  Quit renting and earn equity.

The moral of the story is, get in tune with your star player and marry your dream.  Like Malcom X said, "by any means necessary."  Do the grunge work.  Mop floors, take out the trash but in the process learn all you can.  Create a plane and make things happen for you.  However, in the process do not forget the words of Dr. King, "nonviolence is the key."  And by that I mean do not play any role that will hurt your long term goal or dream.  Remember to always keep the end in mind.

As always I would to have your feedback so please email me at  I want to know if I am making sense to you or if there is something that you would like to add.

Hollar Back! Whoop! Whoop!


Griffin, GA

Relationship/Personal- I feel like a groupie. Simply around for the season. I thought I was working on something but in was just seasonal I guess? I love to be the main dude not chick though.
Professional- Sideline Just chilling but checking out the scenery. Taking in the way things work and constructing my own methods. I plan to grad. school it soon.

Reply from Kimberly Sherrelle

Chris what makes you feel like a Groupie in your personal life?  How long have you felt this way?  Okay here is a better question, in your last relationship, who were you?  The Main Dude, Side dude, or the Groupie?

In my personal experience there are only a few factors really separating the Groupie from the Main chick/Dude.  Quit of it's lack of patience or your attitude that separates the two.  Okay here is a real life example.  I know this guy who had a baby in high school with a girl he wasn't in love with.  However, he was willing to stay with her and make them a family.  Unfortunately for her that didn't happened due to fault of her own.  She quickly became the "baby mama" or groupie in his life simply because of her attitude.  Any and every chance she got to raise hell about nothing that's exactly what she did.  I know for a fact that had her attitude not sucked, they would be together today.
Here's an example from my dating experience.  Many people wonder why I am single.  The answer is quite simply, patience.  I've said it before and I will say it again.  People don't date anymore...(like Goodie Mob song, people don't date no more all they do is this).  What's wrong with being courted and taking things slow?  What's the rush?  Life is too short to rush through every single moment.  Stop and smell the rose...better yet stop and buy roses.  Then I will have some to smell. LOL!
I hope this all helps you Chris.  If I were in your situation I would do some serious evaluating.  Decide what you like about your dating life and what you don't like.  The things you do not enjoy/like, change them.  Change is simplier than most people think.  The hard part is deciding to change.

Everyone else out there hollar at your girl KS.  Let me know what you think.  Thank you Chris for your response.

From Aiyana
Convington, GA
Ok- I consider myself to be the main chick! I mean to me that's the only way 2 go- because starting off as a side chick u will never become a MAIN CHICK! Once u become a Groupie or Side Chick, that is the role that u remain in- u may move up- but ur still the sideline chick. Monica said it best "Sideline Hoe," and that is exactly how the Main Chick feels about the Side Chick. Like the old song said "He's Mine, U may have had once but I got him all the time!" So moral of the story- Become the Main Chick-:)

Reply From Kimberly Sherrelle
I do agree with Aiyana to an extent.  Usually the way you start a relationship is the same way you will end the relationship.  Rarely do side chicks/dudes become the main chick/dude.  It's like the old saying, "why buy the cow when the milk is free."  However, in certain instances you can go from the groupie to the main chick.  Again I think it is all about attitude.  If in the beginning the guy/girl tells you that he/she is not looking for anything serious and let's just "kick it" or let's just "hangout."  (I know single women everywhere hate those words...I apologize now)  So basically he/she is telling you that I want to spend time with you but I do not want to factor you into my life right now.  Honest.  So if you stick around knowing that you want a relationship, I think that you are treating yourself like a groupie.  Okay here is a real life example.  I know a girl who has been "hanging out" with a guy for a few months now.  Throughout these months together they do "hangout" together.  The dates are usually fun and she enjoys his company.  However, after four months of dating they do not have a status.  Why?  I am not really sure.  I know that she will not bring up the "talk" because she thinks it gives her bad relationship karma.  So what do you think that makes her? Main chick, side chick, or groupie?  A guy can never do more to you than you allow him to bottomline.  Personally I can't deal uncertainty so I would have been asking questions after the first month.  But again if she likes it I love it.  As for me, I am like Aiyana I can only be the main chick.

I want to hear from you.  Have you ever been the side chick or the groupie?  How was it?  Would you do it again?  Hollar at your girl.